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Reflection

Great Ra’sing my lovely readers! How’s your week going so far? I hope it’s going well and you’re being productive. My week was starting off rough. I was not in the mood to be in my masculine self to shovel 12-18 inches of snow so my truck wouldn’t be stuck. I kept falling in the snow as I shoveled. I was so over it!! I just wanted to throw the shovel, but what would that solve? Nothing! So I kept shoveling as I burned calories. I was determined and I accomplished my goal (my truck not stuck). With that much discipline and determination, I needed to have when it comes to rebuilding.

As I did my laundry, thoughts about my life appeared before my mind. I thought about all the sacrifices I’ve made to get where I’m at. Although I’m not exactly happy in this point of my life to be rebuilding. Who wants to be starting over from scratch in their 30s? I never wanted to, but I had no choice but to do after I had found myself. Let me share that experience with you.

Finding myself was a painful journey, but worth it. I had to put an end to giving so much of myself to the point of betraying myself. Although I was trying to keep the peace, I realized it was damaging me. It wasn’t helping to let people walk all over me. Once I started setting up healthy boundaries, a lot of people walked away. They benefited so much from me because of the lack of boundaries I had in place. When you give so much of your time without being replenished, you become so drained out.

I thought about all the people who walked out my life and those I walked away from. I was sad especially over those I had a long history with. Friendships, relationships, and familyships were no longer the same. You get to a point in your life where you value your time. My time is no longer free, because I’ve wasted so much time helping others to succeed while I sacrificed myself. So many times I thought people would do for me like I did for them. Truth of the matter is they don’t have a heart like I do. And they’re not loyal like I am. I used to be mad at myself for being loyal to the wrong people. I thought about all that I’ve done for them. I keep asking myself, “why did you sacrifice so much of yourself?” Feeling depleted is not even the emotion I want to describe how I felt. They’ll never find anyone like me whose loyalty is hardcore and solid.

I hated that I invested so much of my life pleasing people. I hated that it took me so long to wake up from being booboo the fool. Ain’t no point in dwelling on time lost with these ungrateful people. Acknowledging the growing pains always made me worn out from the crying and hurt to build myself up. And because of how the process made me felt, I vowed to not go through this again. Although the process taught me to love myself, put myself first, and to not tolerate anything that will hinder my growth. I deserved a lot of things and always told myself I deserved the world. I realized that I don’t need to be waiting on a man to give me the world. Instead I need to give myself the world by any means necessary!

I conclude this post with “PUT YOURSELF FIRST!” Stop doubting yourself! Stop shortchanging yourself! Love yourself as if you love doing your favorite thing! Get to knowing yourself and finding your happiness. Remember happiness is an inside job that begins within you. Don’t let someone have control of your happiness/emotions. I’m a witness that life does get better after you find happiness within you. Yes it was hard and painful especially when you’ve relied on others to fulfill your happiness. It’s just a matter of changing your mindset to holding yourself accountable.

Until next time my lovely readers, work on changing your mindset for the better. Reflect on life and make changes when necessary. May you have a productive week!

ASE!, Goddess Kamil with a K

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