wisdom

My Heartbeats

Happy Sunday my readers! How is your weekend going? I hope it’s going lovely. Let’s abundant our day for ourselves and our family! May our work and intentions be our prayer for good for ourselves and our family. May we express our gratitude for this day and the things we have.

I normally don’t blog on the weekends due to I rejuvenating for the week. But today I decided to blog, because I have amazing news to share with you all.

I have four children whose ages are; 19, 15, 14, and 5 years young. You noticed I used the word “young” instead of “old”. It’s because we’re always “young” at heart. My heartbeats (children) means the world to me. They’ve been through a lot after experiencing so much death within our family and dealing with transitions. They are my main reason why I went on my healing journey to break all of my family generational trauma/curses. They deserve a healing and healthy mother who is understanding.

My relationship with my children was a rocky one in the beginning when I was married. I was so busy pleasing and trying to make my marriage work that I didn’t realize my children’s emotional needs were neglected. There were many behaviors and tantrums from them as a way to get my attention. Then things started to take a turn for the worse so I thought at the time. My oldest moved out, didn’t want to have nothing to do with me or his siblings. My second oldest was placed in a boarding school. As a former foster youth, I dislike the separation. I don’t like for my children to spread out. It reminded me of how my siblings and I were spread out in foster care. I felt like I was repeating a generational curse. The heartache was taking a toll on me. I told myself I needed to make this right. I had to choose between my children or stay in a marriage where I was neglected. I left my marriage and focused on my children’s emotional needs.

I had to be very transparent with my children and allow them to express themselves without I feeling offended. Growing up in within my biological family and foster care, I wasn’t taught to express myself to an authority/ caretaker without them being offended. As a mother, I had to make my children feel comfortable with me. We had a lot of dialogue ending with me breaking old habits.

I’m more affectionate with my children. I say “I love you” throughout the day in addition to giving them hugs. My oldest is back around and it’s been amazing how we converse so much. My second oldest is still in boarding school, but he’s doing so much better. Our weekly family therapy sessions has been a tremendous help for us. Today I have my three heartbeats and we are going to pick up my fourth heartbeat from boarding school. We’re going out to eat and have quality time together. It’s feels so good to be able to get all my heartbeats together. It’s the same feeling when I had all seven of my siblings together. I wanted to write this blog to all let you know how excited and happy I am.

For those of you who have not talked to anyone such as your siblings, family, etc. give it time. Take time to reflect on y’all relationship and think about what needs to change within the relationship and yourself. Sometimes separation is needed for growth and to see things for what it is. I don’t regret the separation from my two oldest boys. There were things that had to take it’s course for us to arrive at this point of our lives. What’s most important is that my boys respect me as their mother and they are protective of their two younger sisters. I need for my heartbeats to be close with one another always should anything happen to me. Well let me get myself ready to enjoy the day with all my heartbeats! I’ve been waiting for this day like forever! The Universe has been really good to me as I continue to abundant throughout the day and expressing my heartfelt gratitude. May you have an amazing Sunday my Readers!

2 thoughts on “My Heartbeats

  1. Congratulations Kamil on being reunited with your sons. And yes, have a splendid day with your second eldest son. It must feel like magic to you and your daughters…. The magic of a happy family. 💛Stay blessed.

    Liked by 1 person

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